10 Commandments of
Heckling
as taken from The Bleacher Bible |
by Chris Snead |
| Commandment I - Thou shalt not use profanity |
|
Remember this one thing, baseball is still a family sport.
Fathers and sons, mom and dad, the whole family. Nobody wants to hear you spouting off a
bunch of @#$&%! |
| Commandment II - Thou shalt not insult the
mother |
|
This should be obvious. What good would come from saying
something about someone else's mother? Is that what we want? I don't think so. Leave mom
out of it. We don't need any of this garbage at our games. We want people to appreciate
what we do, not resent us for it. |
| Commandment III - Thou shalt be intelligent |
|
Do I really need to explain this? Know what you are
talking about. Remember, credibility lends respect to your task. |
| Commandment IV - Thou shalt love baseball |
|
Is there any doubt about this? Who in this great country
would disparage America's pasttime? If you don't love baseball, what are you doing here? |
| Commandment V - Thou shalt be aware of the
people around you |
|
This is a really touchy one. Even though some of the
funniest stuff you may have may be about overweight guys or bald guys, the person next to
you may not think it's terribly funny. |
| Commandment VI - Thou shalt be witty |
|
Only one rule to remember here: if you are the only one
laughing, it wasn't funny. |
| Commandment VII - Thou shalt not overkill |
|
Listen, if somebody does something funny in the first
inning, you should not keep ragging on it in the fifth. The more you say something, the
less effective it becomes. You must be aware that the same stuff gets really old after a
couple of games - especially in a series against the same team. Unless something is really
working on one or two guys, put it away for a couple or three games. |
| Commandment VIII - Thou shalt be friendly |
|
The best way to make these guys listen to you and divert
their attention from the task at hand is to be just as nice as you can be. When you look
into the dugout, wave and say, "Hi guys!" |
| Commandment IX - Thou shalt not cross the line |
|
That line is the line of brutality. Look, the players know
that heckling is part of the game. Don't make it personal between you and the players.
Remember, they have bats, you don't. |
| Commandment X - Thou shalt remember the
children |
|
No matter what you want to believe about role models, the
children are watching and listening. They hear what you say and see what you do. Be aware
of that when you sit in the stands. If you don't know whether you fit the bill, just ask
yourself, would you want your best friend's kid sister or brother to sit next to you at
the next ball game? Well, would you? |